Heaven Bent to Take My Hand...

This song was my “theme song” during the first year after my divorce. After a while, other (happier) songs began to take its place. But recently things have happened to cause it to resurface and to make it seem to ring true to my feelings once again. 

Thankfully, the pain hasn’t lasted *quite* as long this time…

Heaven certainly did (once again) bend to take my hand, and lead me through the fire… 

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” ~~Isaiah 43:2 

At first I didn’t want to reach up and take hold of the hand that was being offered to me freely… lovingly… patiently… 

I resisted vehemently. I wanted to wallow in my mess and my self-pity for a while longer. Surely if I did that, someone would notice and come wallow with me…misery loves company, yes?

No…that wasn’t what was to happen. There was a better lesson to be learned here. One that I have learned before, but easily forget. Which, in the circle of life, is how I end up getting myself into that big, hot mess laying on the bathroom floor sobbing my heart out over and over again.

Hesitatingly, I reached my fingers out…just a little…just enough to brush the tips of His fingers. But like a stubborn terrible-two year old, I jerked my hand back, stuck my bottom lip out, folded my arms and proceeded to pout and wallow just a little bit longer.

He didn’t move, though. He didn’t walk away, and He didn’t give in to my tantrum. As He always does, He remained steady and strong. He is the one constant in my life. And sometimes, to be really {REALLY} honest…it ticks me off!

Like that night on the bathroom floor… 

When I was crying… 

And screaming… 

And begging… 

And asking, “WHY MEEEEEE?” (Oh, yes – it’s always about *me* isn’t it? When will we learn?) 

When I had finally exhausted myself mentally, emotionally and even physically – that’s when it happened. Sweet relief. When I was completely spent, completely empty.

That’s when He caused me to look up again, to reach up and put my whole hand in His. And from that Hand flowed beautiful, renewed life. 

He wiped away the tears. He set my shoulders straight. He gave me… 

Faith that all is well with my soul.

Hope that none other can promise

(and keep that promise).

Love that none other can *ever* provide. 

I had to be empty to be able to receive those gifts (again). I had filled myself with so much worry, anger, self-pity, self-loathing, you name it! I had feasted gluttonously at the banquet table of my enemy and my soul was full of the sickness and death. 

God knew that He would have to empty me (again) in order to fill me with Life. 

So yes… 

I’ve fallen…

I’ve messed up…

I’ve sunk very low…

Yes, I should have known better…

I’ve been told “I told you so”– so many times my heart and soul have bled from it...  

But I have also been given unchangeable, unshakable, unmistakable Truth.  Truth that crushes my enemy and sends him back to the depths of hell…so, Satan…run…run with your tail between your legs. You have no power here!

Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”

and

Isaiah 54:17 says, “No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, said the Lord.”

and

Ephesians 6:11-13 says, “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” 

I am standing by the grace of God.

My small hand in His.

Fully clothed in the armor He made specifically for me.

What about you…will you stay in the viper pit? Or will you reach up to the Hand that is freely, lovingly and patiently being held out to you as well? 

Here is my new theme song…hope you enjoy it, too. Come awake…

 

“Oh death where is thy sting? Oh grave where is thy victory?” 
~~1 Cor 15:55