Sunday, December 5, 2010

Saving Me

Who am I?

I am “mom” to three great kids; I am “friend” to several bright, beautiful women; I am “daughter” to my sweet daddy; I am a “worker” at my job. I am a “member” at my church.

I DO all of those things. Yes, they are all pieces of what makes up “me”.

But who am I? Who do I want to be?

I suppose I should have been asking myself that 25-plus years ago when the world was right there at my feet waiting to be discovered and conquered.

Instead, I was busy trying to find love – definitely in all the wrong places.

It was a while before I found it.
Real love.


In tiny pink feet and hands, wrapped in a pink blanket.

And then two years later in even tinier pink feet and hands – a double blessing, each wrapped in blue.

That was love. That was my soul incarnate. That was straight from heaven, knowing that I would never make it through the next several years of life without it. Without them.

They saved me.
HE saved me.

Not for the first time by far. But this time in the most tangible way I had ever known. He picked up the pieces of my broken past and my broken heart. He gently washed each piece in a river of His own tears and fit together all the jagged edges, and for the first time in my life I felt alive. I felt the beating of hearts and the sweet softness of little hands that knew goodness and love unending. I had been given a life of purpose, promise and meaning.

The world and its prowler couldn’t leave well enough alone, though. Lies were slyly whispered. Tantalizing images were dangled in front of me. And like Eve so very long ago, I blindly – weakly - believed, and with selfish abandon I destroyed the world and the lives around me.

For some reason that still hasn’t been revealed to me yet, He has once again found favor with me and picked up the pieces. There were a lot more of them this time, but nothing is too great for Him. And even though they were shattered and scattered and all mixed together in a burning, smoking heap of ashes, He knew where each and every piece belonged.

Somehow… even though looking back at the path behind me, it is crooked and broken and in some places there are spirals that seem never-ending… somehow, He has brought me – all of us really - to a place where love is flourishing again.

To a place where the discovery of who I am and who I want to be is far different from that other lifetime long ago. A place where I do not come first, but He does. And those He calls His own come next. And I am daughter, humble servant, faithful companion.

So...Who am I?  I think the better question is WHOSE am I?

I am loved… I am worthy… I am His.
I am one He calls “beloved”.

"My beloved spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me."
Song of Solomon 2:10

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