Living an "Un" Life

I am having a serious case of the “uns” these days.

Unsatisfied.

Unfulfilled.

Undesirable.

You name it and I feel “un” it.

I’ve never had particularly high self-esteem, so when I start feeling even one of these things coming on, it seems like a whole slew of them rush right in and link themselves to one another, forming a mighty chain that holds me prisoner.

A speaker at my church recently said,

“Your perspective is your reality.”

I had to think about that for more than a minute.

She didn’t say your perspective IS reality…thank goodness for that.

She didn’t say that someone else’s perspective is reality (yours or otherwise)…thank goodness for that, too. I’ve had enough people in my life try to push their “reality” onto me of what I should/shouldn’t be or should/shouldn’t do.

She said YOUR perspective is YOUR reality…I’m not particularly thankful for that, but it helps explain a few things. Back to the “uns”.

I began to think about my perspective of life. What am I seeing in the mirror? And why is it nearly all negative? I couldn't really come up with anything earth-shattering, so I decided to take a look at the definitions some of my “uns” from their root word:

Satisfy – to please, to gratify, to be adequate.
I feel unsatisfied – I do not feel adequate.

Fulfill – to meet the requirements of; to measure up; to develop the full potentialities of.

I feel unfilled – I do not feel like I measure up or meet my full potential.

Desirable – having pleasing qualities; attractive; worth seeking.

I feel undesirable – I do not feel pleasing, attractive, worthy.

As I re-read those things, it makes me a little sad – but mostly it makes me really mad. It makes me mad at the people in my past (particularly when I was a child) who fed me those lies as if they were truth on a daily basis. And it makes me even madder at myself as an adult for continuing to buy into those lies, allowing myself to take to heart things that, according to my belief in and relationship with God, are simply not true.

That’s not to say that I can just turn off my feelings and turn off all those messages in my head that play over and over. I’m the first one to tell you that it’s just not that easy. And anyone who tells you it is…they are in a great deal of denial themselves. There are things that you don’t just “get over” with the snap of your fingers.

My personal source of truth is, of course, my Bible.

In order for me to successfully ward off all those lies, I have to dig in and seek the truth of who I am – of who God made me to be. I have to tell myself the truth every day…maybe even every hour. I have to counter the lies and make a new perspective for myself – a new reality.

So…

To the lie that I am unsatisfied…I will seek satisfaction in the things pleasing to God, not the things pleasing to man.

For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. - 1 Sam 16:7

To the lie that I am unfulfilled…I will stop comparing myself to other people and I will stop “settling for” when things get too hard. I have been created by God to be ME and to do MY own part in His plan.

But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased. And if they were all one member, where would the body be? - 1 Cor 12:18-19

To the lie that I am undesirable…I will remember that God chose me; God made me in His image; and God sent His only Son to die for me – because He finds me worthy; because He loves me.

He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world - Eph 1:4

So God created man in His own image - Gen 1:27

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. - John 3:16



I recognize that we all have our own beliefs and our own methods of seeking truth. I also realize that it is all too easy to just give up and give in to the lies. Seeking truth and applying it is hard work. It’s often painful work. But in the end, we become better people for it…not just for ourselves, but for the hurting and broken world around us.

In the end, there IS one “un” that I am going to work diligently to attain and keep, and that is UNCHAINED.

What lies are you believing? Will you continue to let them keep you chained? If not, what are you willing to do to be free of them?

Book Love

I went to the library today, which I don’t do nearly often enough, and I am absolutely giddy. There’s something about going in and browsing the catalog (on the computer now – not in a card file like back in the day!). Then you go in search of the books you’ve decided on, and walk out with a pile of pure delight!

Going to the library for me is a connection to my childhood and to my sweet Daddy. When I was in about 8th grade, my Dad was attending the local community college and often on weekends he would have to go to the library to study and do research. I lived in a big city and the main library downtown is where we always went. It was huge, and I was allowed to go to the floor where the kid’s books were while he was studying. All by myself!


I remember first walking in to the lobby of the library – the soft sounds all around.


People whispering; someone would occasionally laugh and it would echo.

The soft swish of the books as the librarian checked people out and slid their books across the counter to them.

The distinct smell of volumes of paper on the shelves, and of lemon oil that was used to polish the tables.

To this day I can’t pass up the opportunity to open a book and take in a deep breath, lingering in the memory of those days at the library with my Dad.

And, of course, being the princess that I was – oh heck, who am I kidding? The princess that I still AM in his eyes – ha! But I digress a bit…being the princess that I was, I was rarely told no and when he came to get me so we could go home, invariably I asked to check out a stack of books – the maximum I could check out, which I think was 8. He knew I would never read them all. And of course he was right. There were times when I wouldn’t even get one completely read before it was time to take them all back. But to have them, to hold them, to look and touch, feel and smell them…it was all part of the entire experience of “reading” to me.


I think back on those days and I wonder if that had anything to do with the fact that I LOVE to read now. Is it possible that just the smell - just the feel - of the pages of a book can make someone an avid reader?


I wonder how kids today feel about going to the library and being allowed to choose books and take them home to read? Do parents even still take their kids to the library? From the looks of my local small town library, the answer isn’t very positive, and that makes me sad.


I wonder if the age of technology is gradually destroying any kind of love or respect or even desire for real paper-and-ink, bound books? I mean, even the Pastors at my church are using their iPad or their iPhone to read the Word from!

Will my grandchildren know what a “book” is? Will they know what a "library" is? 

Or will books be considered antiquated, like that old dewey decimal system card file (please tell me I'm not the only one who remembers these)? 

Will the library shelves be empty?

I pray not, because God willing, this is what I want to look like with my grandchildren...